I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
