I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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