I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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