I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
