I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Randomize
