tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
