She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
