I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize