I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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