she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
