Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
