Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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