he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
