As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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