Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
