mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
