I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
