There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
