dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize