I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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