Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
