Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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