My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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