hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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