i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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