Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
