so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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