I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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