Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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