I only kidnapped one of them. chill
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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