He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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