Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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