it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
