it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I think pants incapable of making pants work
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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