just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
