I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
