i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
