he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
