I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
