there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Randomize