guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
