so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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