this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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