it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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