Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
