So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
