i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
