So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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