I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
