I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
