wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just threw up on my dentist
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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