Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
