meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
