So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
