I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
