True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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