He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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