Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
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