dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
