hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
