I wanna passion pit in your ass
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
