How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
