True but thats because hes a fetus.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
