Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
