I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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