i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
