So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
