girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
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