Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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