Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just cut my nipple shaving
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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