I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My dick has a subreddit
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
