Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
