How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
