Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
