New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
