When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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