i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
