k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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