The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Boobs are out for the taking
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
