Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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