I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
