somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
