Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
