Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
